HOW TO KNOW YOU ARE DRIFTING !! – Steven Akinjide Alabi.

JIDE ALABISo many people, in fact most people experience this from time to time, and I am concerned here mainly with married folks.

Sometimes even the newly weds who are still on the moon can find themselves drifting.

The way this things happen is sometimes close to a fairy, almost supernatural so that it present a situation where little decisions becomes major.

Very stable relationships looking really good for the alter and marriages going really strong can be ruined beyond repairs if any of the party in a relationship finds himself/herself adrift.

Being adrift is that familiar place where you find yourself desiring the presence of a specific member of the opposite sex other than your spouse.

Who hasn’t found himself/herself in this situation ?

Things may be good in your relationship but there just seem to be something about someone somewhere, a quality you are not even willing to dig up in your own spouse.

There is just this special feeling that you are finding addictive. You know its dangerous but you convince yourself and very easily too that things are still tight between you and your spouse, in fact your spouse know that person, ay least in passing.

You look forward to seeing and talking and sharing things with that person. Its important that you stay impressive to that person.

The person has become an important part of your day to the extent that you get grauchy if he/she does not feature in your day.

You are comfortable with it because to a large extent your interactions so far has been non-sexual even though you can hardly swear that you haven’t crossed the line a few times at least in solitary imagination.

Your spouse is beginning to sense that certain non-material quality or aura is missing in your dealings with him/her but its difficult to point out because you are not particularly absent physically from him/her.

At this time, ill-will between you and you spouse is still inconceivable. The word DIVORCE is actually an abomination. Com’on you were only having harmless fun or so you think.

You soon start getting secretive. Your spouse is fantastic, at least that’s what you say and that’s no flattery, but how you wish you could be this playful and gist endlessly and pleasurably with your own. Now you struggle to stop yourself from being “honest” that this play mate should have been your spouse.

Things are already getting dangerous, you are beginning to pick a fight with your spouse because you have gone far comparing this person with your spouse. As things stand now, you have started judging your spouse and that’s exactly where you never thought this would get to.

But it all started innocently, in fact it started when you were still in the moon with your spouse, when you could both laugh it off.

Your spouse knew that person to be a friendly colleague in your office, or a Facebook chat mate always admiring your marriage. Your spouse can still remember your reluctance to accept his/her friendship request on BB many many months back.

Is that you?

I’m not saying it simply amounts to flirting if you take a liking to any member of the opposite sex after you are married. But when this thing is narrowed to one specific person without whom your day is incomplete then you are drifting.

Somebody you gist intimately with, with some background standing wish that such a one should become you spouse. All of this can mean you are drifting or you have drifted.

This piece is mean’t to demystify the suddenness of finding oneself in that precarious situation of TUMBLING IN LOVE WITH someone else particularly when things hasn’t gone bad between a couple.

This things happen and people are inclined to see it as hand of Destiny. Everybody involved say its nobody’s fault, it just happened, non premeditated.

In fact some people even appear not to want to hurt their spouses sincerely. Suddenly, things begin to look like the flirt had no choice when things “got out of hand.”

I am certainly not writing for those who from day one are out to flirt, those ones cannot be said to drift or slip into things that would be detrimental to their marriages.

My heart goes out to those who drift without paying enough attention to the red flags. Those who are paying more attention to someone else instead of their spouses and taking such actions to levels after levels until they find themselves in situation where illiciticity is equated with a divine call and the most innocent one suffer almost irreparably.

Sorry, why is your spouse not your most preferred chat mate on Facebook, on Yahoo msg, on BB? And for those who just got married, why is your spouse no longer your most preferred chat mate?


I have spoken!

#Look out for more from Jide in Tkbesh.


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